As I was a-jigglin’ away on the elliptical yesterday, my mind wandered to my least favorite thing to think about (um, besides the jigglin’ arms, jigglin’ booty, jigglin’ belly… ah, but I digress) — The Job Search.
Ooooh, The Job Search. Two years later, I feel no closer to knowing what I want to do with this fancy, expensive degree o’ mine. What have I considered up to now? Well, it began with the green spa, then it was HR type stuff, the it was anything at all, as long as it’s in Europe, then I got on to social enterprise, then the beer shop, and now? Now, I’m just confused. Which is awesome, because one month from now, I’m unemployed, and two months from now, I’m unemployed and living with my grandmother. Don’t get me wrong — I still looooove the idea of having a little beer shop to call my own, but have, for the time being, talked myself out of it (for cash flow reasons).
But yesterday, on the elliptical at the gym, I got to thinking about passion. All of these ideas about career have in common that they’re things I am, or I think I am, passionate about — ah, there’s the rub: things I THINK I’m passionate about. For example, I really, really love beer. So much that I’d like to make my living peddling the delicious, malty, hoppy stuff. However, since I’ve been in South Africa, I’ve been on a total hiatus from beer (since, as David will attest, the beer here is less than thrilling — like Spain, but without the oasis that is the MBPoW). And actually, it’s been okay to take a big break from the beer. In fact, I hardly miss it. So I have to wonder: am I so fickle? Out of sight, out of mind? I’m only passionate about beer if I can go down the street for it?
The question I came to (while simultaneously ellipto-sprinting my b-school weight away) is: what am I truly, consistently passionate about? Anything? Or am I so fickle that things totally come and go? (I think we know what I’m currently obsessing about — Operation MM(f)PF — when I should be obsessing about…? Um, exactly. Job search. And beer — writing that b-plan for beer. Which I am decidedly NOT doing.) I do, definitely, move through phases of obsessing about things, and I don’t want to make any career decisions based on what’s AWESOME for me today, because what’s AWESOME to me seems to vary with the seasons… And the sad thing is, I’m not even sure I know what I’m consistently passionate about. People, I guess — I never stop being excited about people, and being able to help them from time to time. Kids, definitely — I looooved working with kids, but I’m not sure I want to go back to that. Ummm… what else? Words? Language? I love to read/write/etc, and I’m pretty proud of my abilities with the ehSpanish. Consumables? (Food, beer, cava, etc…) Independence — is that something one can be passionate about? But are any of these things compatible with my post-MBA career possibilities? And are they even relevant?
Adding insult to injury, I’m not even sure it matters what I’m passionate about. The job market in Portland (like everywhere, I s’pose) has yet to show me ANYTHING that calls to me — in HR, in social enterprise, in a brewery, or in freaking Corporation X that offers me a reasonable wage to show up every day. Nearly everything I see requires 10+ years of experience and some further degree or qualification that I don’t have. Oh, I mean, unless I want to paint houses, work in a call center, or go door to door for the Sierra Club.
But even if there were a million jobs available, I’m not convinced that I would be any more clear about what I want to do with this degree. It’s an awesome degree, and it was an amazing experience, but: I probably should have done my research a little better before I started, because I would have known what kinds of jobs people GET with an MBA. All the way through this degree, I have struggled and battled and fought with myself over the same question: what do I want to DO with the MBA? Coming to the end of it, I still don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want any kind of job like my summer job, I’d like to be as close to being my own boss as possible, I’d like to do a job I feel good about (as in, it’s socially responsible, it makes a difference, it somehow makes the world or at least a few people’s lives better), and I’d really, really like to be passionate about it. Sooo… I guess I need to figure out what that means.
I totally understand what you’re saying about knowing what you’re passionate about. I’m often in the same boat except, as you’ve often keenly pointed out, they’re often things I like to do RIGHT NOW and seem great RIGHT NOW and seem like they make sense given xyz experience I have RIGHT NOW. So I long to find the answer/job/life choice that will just make me happy RIGHT NOW and forever. I’ve no significant regrets about some of my choices. The few I have, looking back, have allowed me to be here in Barce-effin-lona and gotten to know you and a collective of some of the most amazing friends a person can ever hope to have.
But this great degree and the choices that have led us here don’t directly pay the bills, right? It will be the result of those that will. So do we MAKE the result or just merely ACCEPT the result? Result in this case meaning the Big J-O-B. As in, do we accept job X at abc company? Or wait, eat Ramen, hustle, and earn the dream job?
The truth is, Crystal, thinking about this very topic bums me out because, like you, I like to do so many things and have tons of huge effing ideas, but I often end up doubting any of those things when protracted over several years day-in and day-out will make me happy… or easily pay the bills. I’m not going back to IT, a hobby-turned-job run amok, ever, but it would be so easy… or so I think.
Bartender! Alcoholic coping mechanism, please! And make it a double!
Yeah, it’s this passion/paycheck dichotomy that’s killing me — seems like I can have one or the other, but maybe not both; at least, not right now… But sometimes I wonder if the deeper philosophical debate even matters, given just how bad the market is right now — like, I’ll just have to take ANYTHING that will pay me to show up every day. That is SO not what I signed up for with this fancypants degree… Ugh.
Let me straighten you out on one point here right off the bat — you have ALWAYS loved beer. Your current obsession with weight loss has not diminished you love for beer, it has simply temporarily trumped the desire. I say go for the beer store. You have the desire, ample education, and knowledge to back you up. If you fail, at least you can say you tried. You have done an amazing job at your first career as a student. Now it is time to move on to your next career. Statistically I think we get 4 or 5…so you better get crackin.
I promise, I will design you a fabulous logo, format your business plan and help you develop a marketing strategy. Just get your ass back to the states and get your wiggle workin (a Phyllis term). In return you supply me with beer, some business sense and a spelling/grammar lesson.
HA! Oh, man, too true… I HAVE always loved the beer… And? If I were in, say, Belgium or Germany, it would be WAY harder to stay off the beer, because it’s all so delicious. The fact that wine is FAR more tempting than beer here makes it much easier to keep the calories in check. However, Madam Cheerleader: have you any thoughts about start-up capital?? I haven’t done the b-plan yet, but I’m certain it would be easily $100k or so — which, in the business world, is actually nothing, but considering I’ve just acquired $120k of business debt… Pfffff…. It’s daunting to think about. Further: it’s WAY harder to reach break-even in a shop than in a bar, but I’m pretty damn disinterested in owning a bar, unless it were a really nice, up-market, close at 11pm kind of bar… So I don’t know. I’m still nursing the idea, of course, and obviously I’d LOVE it if you could do my logo!!! But basically, I just need to crunch the numbers, and figure out if there’s even room in the Portland market for yet another beer outfit… In the meantime: how ’bout we get together for a beer soon?? How’s August for you??
I think in your old age, or maybe from your years of drinking, you may have forgotten about money trees, tooth fairies, fairy god mothers and all other mystical creatures that have venture capitalist potential! We will discuss this issue and your getting old in August (rumor has it I am turning 29 again around that time) over a beer and a vodka tonic. Love you – xoxoxoxo