Year 1: pretty much over… already?? May 30, 2008

Wheeeeeew! I am DONE!!! I have survived another (punishing, brutal, savage and otherwise terrible) round of exams, and I am now thoroughly enjoying a well-deserved day off. As a matter of fact, right this minute I’m being a delinquent, because I’m kind of blowing off a party I said I’d go to — oops — in favor of sitting on the couch, halfway watching the tv, and updating this here blog. And given that my phone got stolen yesterday as I was getting off the train, I’m not reachable, so at least I’m not getting hassled about it! (Clearly I’ll go get that new phone tomorrow, but I didn’t have a chance to get it today. I was busy showing an attractive Dutch guy around the neighborhood. NO, it wasn’t a date. He’s a friend of a friend of a friend, and he’s new in town, and I said I’d help him find a place to live. And I am, but mostly we just spent the afternoon drinking beer and talking about how awesome this city is. So it wasn’t a date, but it was a freaking FANTASTIC way to celebrate my new freedom from school, because man, he’s a cute guy.)

So basically, all I’ve got to report is that I’m DONE (I’m done I’m done I’m done!!) and it feels really freaking good. As per usual, I have no clue if I passed Law, but at this point, shit, I almost feel like I have a record to uphold (3 out of 3 law classes failed??!). And my other exams? Pffff…. Hard, honestly. Maybe the hardest round yet. My IT exam included a freaking 20 page case to read in 3 hours and included 6 questions (and luckily one of the other English-speakers complained so we got it in English, but not until about 20 minutes in — definitely one of the more intellectually exhausting exams I’ve taken). And finance was a typical brain drain in which I realized as I was handing it in that I hadn’t done some of the calculations right (I forgot to unlever and recalculate the Beta for my 2nd WACC!! curses!). Also, I didn’t finish it. But anyway, all this to say: I survived, just barely, and I think my grades are going to be, er, not that great from this term, but at least I’m DONE! One more week of class, (Global Strategy, whoot!) and then I’m out of class until October 13th. (Hurray Cape Town and a late start and a short term! Yippeeee!) Man, it’s been a fast, difficult, insane year, and I’m looking forward to a couple of weeks off before I start my Awesome Summer Job.

Oh, and Combs Family? You know how we like to, you know, Sit Around and Talk About Feelings? Well, at our post-finals celebration lunch yesterday there were about 12 of us, and I asked everyone at the table to say something that they learned this year and something they’re excited about right now. I’m pretty sure I made a couple of people uncomfortable, but it was still a worthwhile reflection, and what struck me is just that we’ve ALL learned a LOT this year, and we’re all excited right now about a lot of different, awesome things. Personally, I’m excited about The Unknown, because there’s just SO much of it right now — what my summer’s going to be like, what Cape Town will be like, what kind of job I’ll get after I finish school (and where!!) — and it all looks like an awesome adventure. This year has been crazy challenging, but now that it’s pretty much over, I’m kind of sad about it. I am NOT looking forward to saying goodbye to all of my great new friends for the next 6 months, and I’m not really thrilled about leaving BCN, because, as I’ve mentioned, repeatedly, it kicks a**, big time.

So, in summary: I’m DONE!!!! And Laura and Sean are almost here! And I’m DONE!! Hurray!!!

Saving the world will have to wait May 24, 2008

At least, it will have to wait until after I finish this MBA (and totally contrary to what I said in my last post). Thanks to the fabulous guiding counsel of Guille, my ma, my Fairy Godmother (er, Aunt Mary), Dennis, and, yeah, just about everyone else I know… I’ll be going to NY for the summer to work in a temporary position at Goldman (which was offered to me on the very same day that two other internships, one on Portland and one here, didn’t work out — sometimes I just feel like the universe is kicking my ass, and this is DEFINITELY one of those moments). Anyway, Mary’s friend at GS is this incredible woman, and she seems to think that even though it’s a temp job, we might be able to rotate me around a bit, and she’ll help me do some networking with other women there, in case I’m interested in something a little more Long Term.

“Long Term??” For those of you who don’t know, GS is basically The Holy Grail for post-MBA hires. (I am, without question, the envy of all of my peers.) If you’re into the wild and crazy world of international banking, of course. But they also have a foundation that makes me salivate, so I’m thinking that I might be able to at least meet the people who work there, and see how I could get my foot in the door. Or something. And even if not… Well, this MBA is a WILDLY expensive adventure (especially with the increasingly TERRIBLE exchange rate!), so a really lucrative job after the MBA would be… ideal, actually. And I’m taking it as a really good indicator of the corporate culture there that my contacts are so friendly and helpful. I mean, I’m sure I’ll work my tail off this summer, but that’s fine, because, as we know, when I get to CT? I’ll mostly just be chilling… In between studying of course, ahem.

Having this settled feels SO good. I’ve been all over the place lately, completely lost in terms of sense of purpose, and not thinking, you know, very logically about it all (how shocking). But I’ll be with Mary and Doug and the kids, and SO many other people I love are on the East Coast, and it’ll be way easier to get to Guille’s wedding in PR, and I’ll probably still get to the beach house in September, not to mention weekend trips to Boston, so… Yeah, saving the world? Well, it’s not going to happen right now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get back to it, because that’s what I REALLY want to do. And furthermore, given that I’ll be gone in the fall for recruiting, this name on my CV will definitely get me noticed. My career adviser says that EVERYONE will call me for an interview, just because it’s on there, so even if I don’t want to be at GS Long Term (or get offered the possibility) I’ll have WAY more options. How awesome is that? (My friend Brian was joking that my CV will now glow in the dark. Heh.)

So that’s settled. Whew! And now, on to studying for exams and getting ready for Sean and Laura and Kim and Marijn and potentially Patrick and Laleh. And then, in just about a month: NYC!!!

Getting warmer…? May 21, 2008

The school year is nearly over, already!, and I think I might, just might, be zeroing in on what I want to do with the MBA. Thanks to a couple of AMAZING company presentations, (an investment fund that seems amazing, and a sustainable eco-tourism start-up that is totally inspirational), PLUS doing a 2 day coaching seminar, I think I might be coming back to center with my sense of purpose, and vision of what, exactly, I want to be when I grow up. I think that what is really really important to me, and where I need to direct my job search, is social enterprise — which is to say, finding a way to use business as a vehicle for social change/positive impace, whatever that means. I’ve had a couple of promising leads come up in the last few days for summer employment, both here and in Portland, which is exciting, and makes me feel like I’m directing my search appropriately. We shall see…

Getting hoodwinked by a gypsy, and other recent tales May 15, 2008

Once again, I have fallen off the wagon with the blogging. Seriously, people, this work/life balance thing is freaking tricky!

To start: yup, I got tricked by a gypsy in Sevilla — into giving up 20 euros! Ah, what a naive sucker I am when taken out of the big city! (This would NEVER have happened in BCN!!) It was no big deal, really, she just basically did a walk-by palm-reading and then demanded that I pay her for it — freaking sneaky, right?? I tried to give her 2 euros, but NO!, that wasn’t enough for our supposedly-pregnant gypsy-thief sneaky-lady! She said she could make change, so I thought, okay, sure, I’ll give her 5. But I only had a 20. Which I trustingly gave her, thinking she would make change. But NO! As soon as she had the 20 in her hand, she got all “it’s 10 euros per palm, everybody knows that!” and the sneaky gypsy lady took my freaking money! And wouldn’t give it back! Gah!! I was so irritated, but what are you gonna do? Punch a sneaky pregnant gypsy lady in broad daylight? Obviously not. So, yeah, I had to walk away and think, somehow, this is going to be good karma — right? And maybe the sneaky pregnant gypsy lady needed that 20 euros more than I did. Right? Right???

So that’s how I got robbed by a gypsy. Sucker.

That said, Sevilla was beautiful! What a fabulous little city! And man, what a difference from Barcelona. It felt like, I don’t know, REAL Spain, or something — flamenco (oh! the flamenco! I never knew how damn sexy it was!!), tapas f’real, plazas, sunshine, nice people, TONS of sangria… It was delightful. Except for the getting robbed by a sneaky gypsy lady part, it totally rocked. I went with Matt, Blanca and Ben, and we commented repeatedly just how much we liked the city. The only truly odd thing about it (other than sneaky pregnant gypsy lady) was that everything seemed to shut down by midnight. Having been thoroughly spoiled by a city that never really shuts down, it was shocking to realize that after dinner, when we wanted to go to a bar… yeah, there really weren’t any. Odd.

And then came Becky and her Beau (named Ben)! I met them at the airport on Sunday morning, and we spent the day wandering around by the beach, and then going out for delicious paella that evening. Monday I had a group meeting, so met them in the evening to cook dinner at my house, and we had SUCH a good time, just sitting around the kitchen, listening to music, drinking cava, eating awesome homemade real food (hurray Becky!), and laughing our faces off. Needless to say, I approve of Beck’s new dude, and it’s crazy delightful to see her so very happy.

Obviously, it was quite a weekend, and now I’m back to reality, and picking up where I left off with my various existential crises. The good news is that I seem to be making progress in that department. I discovered a PERFECT internship in Portland, for which I am currently procrastinating writing my cover letter, but am super excited about. It’s green, it’s cutting edge, it’s Portland — what more could a girl ask for?? Also, I just had my (admittedly, very odd) interview with GS in NYC, and yeah, that could also be cool, in a very different way. I mean, of course, it would be incredibly sexy to put them on my resume, and might well be an ideal strategic maneuver for the ol’ CV, and would be great to live with Mary and Doug and the kiddos, but my interviewer (who essentially let me interview him) made me think that any monkey off the street could do the job, and it might not be the best use of my shiny new MBA skill-set. Hm. But like I said, GS would be wicked sexy on my CV, so we shall see.

That brings us to now. I got my ass kicked by a presentation in Finance yesterday, but actually, I think it went really well, and at least it’s over. I will now proceed to have my ass kicked by 2 more weeks of school, and then on to exams and muchísimos invitados, and then, yeah, either NY or Portland, I hope. Man, it’s been a fast year! I can’t believe the first year of my MBA is almost over!!! That’s CRAZY! (I’m Brian Fellows?)

Apologies that I don’t have any Sevilla pics yet, by the way. Ben and Matt took SO MANY effing photos this weekend, that I felt it would be redundant to take any more (plus, who would Blanca hang out with if I joined in the photo-fest the boys were having??), but I haven’t yet had a chance to steal any. I’ll get on it though, promise.

In the meantime, a word to the wise: don’t let yourself be hoodwinked by a sneaky pregnant gypsy thief lady in Sevilla! Watch out! They’ll getcha!!

The latest obsession May 6, 2008

It will come as no shock to anyone that knows me that I have a new obsession. (Nope, not a boy, for once! Which, as an aside, is freaking GREAT — can’t remember the last time there was no one in orbit. But I digress…) I tend to get really really into things, and then, for a brief period, it’s all I’m thinking or talking about. Past obsessions have been working out/counting calories, BOYS, business school research (before I got here), The Gilmore Girls, Harry Potter, business school being hard (since I’ve been here) and back to, you guessed it, BOYS. (And while I’m currently recovering from a two week affair with “Dexter,” the television show that’s like freaking CRACK, that is not the obsession to which I refer. Plus, I’ve now seen every episode, and it doesn’t start back up again until I’m in Cape Town, so I’ve got time to recover.) This one, though, is killing me. I am a CHAMPION sleeper, and it’s even been affecting my sleep — keeping me up, waking me up, infecting my dreams…

Obviously, of course, you’ve probably already detected in recent posts that my current obsession is part of the theme of the year: what the crap do I want to be when I grow up??? And, more urgently: what the HELL am I going to do this summer? My mom reminded me on Sunday that, SHIT!, I only have 6 weeks to figure this out. (More like 3 if I’m buying a ticket back to the States…) And man, this year has been The Year of the Identity Crisis for me, pendulum swinging from one extreme idea of Who I Am to the next. I thought I wanted to do the spa thing in a few years. Then I thought, in the meantime, maybe I’ll just do sustainability (um, yeah, could that be ANY more vague, folks?), then no, not that, maybe consulting, then perhaps even HR consulting, then simply HR and maybe some coaching, reject all that, go back to NGOs or social entrepreneurship, and now it looks like, thanks to a contact of Mary’s, I’ll be interviewing for a temp job at one of the world’s most prestigious banks (er, totally terrified about that — I’m not even clear on what securities ARE, let alone how I could work with them for the summer, and I’m pretty sure that, while it would be INCREDIBLE to put that name on my resume, it’s not going to help me feel like I’m saving the world, which, actually, is probably okay for the summer). And I’ve more or less given up the spa idea for frivolous, and not profitable in an ever more saturated market place.

Whew!! Good LORD, I never knew the MBA was going to be so personally challenging; don’t get me wrong, I knew it would be a good ol’, healthy academic stretch; one that I hoped would ultimately be satisfying (think sudoku or crossword puzzle). But this? I never guessed it would plague me so heartily with self doubt and confusion. So it’s been more like, ooooh, 9 months stretched out on a rack — not like a sudoku at ALL, and not very satisfying or terribly healthy, mostly excruciatingly painful, and since I’m talking in metaphor, here, I don’t even get the added bonus of getting off the damn thing and gaining a couple of much-appreciated vertical inches.

Don’t get me wrong. I still feel incredibly positive about the summer coming. (Honestly! I do!) It’ll be great to be out of school, let my brain rest a bit, have weekends f’real, enjoy loads of sunshine in some part of the world, and look forward to Cape Town (which became more or less official today!). I’m just anxious as hell to know where I’ll be, and terrified that I haven’t left myself time to Make a Choice. We KNOW how crazy I am about feeling like I’m in control of my own fate, as it were, and I hate to think the decision will just make itself for me when June comes, I’m unemployed, and I’m on a flight to Portland to look for pub and volunteer work. Which could be fun, and maybe even a good way to spend the last WHOLE entire summer I’ll have off for a loooong while, but… I just like to be the one choosing. Which is what makes this obsession such a conundrum — which path do I choose??? What’s the right one? What DO I want to do with this freaking MBA??? ACK!!! See? It’s super confusing, and sure to keep me up, again, tonight. At least I have my very exciting, super terrifying interview to look forward to, for now…

And once again, folks, I’m open to suggestions.

“Just one more” May 3, 2008

I’m not one to wax super nostalgic, but there are things I’ve missed, REALLY missed, since I’ve been here. One of those things is the “just one more” phenomenon. (Also known as “famous last words.”) In Boston, I had a regular crew of folks with whom I could belly up to the bar and while away the hours talking about who-knows-what (probably just variations on the regular themes — boys, work, boys, the future, boys, politics if it was late in the night, back to boys… and so on), but having SUCH a good time that every time our pint glasses were empty, we’d look at each other and say, “aw, what the hell… just one more.” The point, of course, is NOT the beer — it is the good time being had shooting the breeze with a dear friend (I won’t name names, but YOU know who you are!!).

In Barcelona, the role of the “just one more” companion has been left woefully vacant. When that moment comes, the critical moment when we say “eh, eff it, we have responsibilities, but tomorrow is Saturday, so they can wait,” my companions invariably say something to the effect of “well, I have a group meeting tomorrow, so I should get going,” or “I’m exhausted, I’m gonna take off,” or simply “okay, this has been fun, but I’m done for the night.” And it’s not like it’s even late — usually it’s, like, 11pm, maybe midnight. By Boston standards, that’s freaking early, so don’t get me started on LOCAL standards! 11pm is the BEGINNING of a night out, not the end!!

Which brings me to last night. Last night, after Graci and I finished up a law case we were working on (dude, she’s totally the brains behind THAT operation, that’s for sure — mostly I just try to help by typing out the questions, or something) we headed out for a mojito at a local little bar that I just love. And guess what? After we finished our mojitos, we looked at each other and said, “aw, what the hell — bartender, dos más, por favor!” And THEN, we even stopped by BK for some fries and headed to Raul’s bar for “just one more” beer. Heaven! We were having so much fun that we wanted to keep hanging out! Hurray!!!

Of course, as we know, some of my all-time-favorite “just one more” companions will be appearing in my city directly, and I’m pretty damn excited about that, but in the meantime, it’s nice to know that Graci can hang as well.

Cape Town and internships, revisited April 27, 2008

As we know, I bombed my interview last week — which is to say, the interview for the internship that I was banking on having for the summer. The internship that would be the very good reason for me to turn down my awesome adventure at the end of the world. The internship that would nearly guarantee me a job in Barcelona at the end of the MBA. The internship that would re-shape my professional trajectory and send me spinning off into a new and exciting career. The only internship that has interested me this year, really. That interview.

After a week of drowning myself in despair and indulgent self-deprecation, I finally came up for air, only to find that I was… relieved, actually. And extremely confused. I started thinking about what I want, I mean REALLY want, to do after the MBA. This internship would have been great — really interesting, a LOT of work, and I’d probably learn A LOT. But as soon as it was off the table (and, to be fair, it’s not actually off the table yet — they haven’t told me no, but seriously, I’m pretty damn sure it’s a no) I started having this nag nag nagging in my gut about… yep, you guessed it: Cape Town. I started kicking myself, actually, for turning down Cape Town for an internship that I had ultimately made unattainable. (Uh, yeah, self sabotage, anyone??) And then I had Rupert, Carol and Cathal all collectively say “why wouldn’t you go to Cape Town?” (and the subtext would be: “what the hell is wrong with you??”). So of course, I started thinking, AUGH! What the hell IS wrong with me? I can’t believe I said NO, for an internship I’m not getting!

Long story short (I know, too late): I’m going to Cape Town. I think. I mean, I’ve officially told my school that I want to go, and the woman in charge is just checking to make sure they still have a spot for me, but: if all goes well, I’ll be in Cape Town on October 1, or thereabouts. Whew! And I am SO excited about it! I had SO much remorse about saying no, but, so far, I’m not having any remorse about saying yes, which is great. (An aside: I stole these photos from my buddy Langdon, who went there over Semana Santa. Yeah, um, looks pretty nice, right??) It is, as Laurent put it, an OIALO, or, Once In A Lifetime Opportunity. Literally. Feels much better to say YES to an OIALO than NO, believe me.

Now: on to this summer. What the shit am I going to do this summer?! I honestly never considered the possibility that this internship wasn’t going to work out, so I didn’t look for anything else, which means I have to now confront just how very directionless I am. Or do I? What if I just go to Boston for the summer, move back in with Laura, and beg Lauren for some part time work? (Ahem, Lauren? Need any teachers? Or Becca? C’mon, I’m pretty good!!) Or I live with my grandmother in Portland and work part time somewhere and hang out with all the Portland folks? (And by work part time, I mean, seriously, like pulling beers at a local brewery or making coffee somewhere.) Or head to NY and crash with Mary and Doug and, yeah, wait tables or something? Obviously, I’ve got some thinking to do, and some job searching to do, because I clearly can’t just NOT work this summer (LOTS of plane tickets to buy in the very near future, and they ain’t cheap!), but I have NO idea what kind of (real) work I want to do. I’m starting to lean more toward NGO/non-profit/development type work, but who knows.

So if you know anyone looking for an MBA intern this summer, let me know! Otherwise, I might just end up chilling by the pool at my parents’ house and slinging sushi with my bro. Which wouldn’t be so bad, if it were anywhere in the world other than Stockton, CA. However, at least I know that, come October, I’ll be crash landing at the end of the world, and on to a pretty excellent adventure. An adventure that, I’m convinced, will have some answers to my many questions about which direction to take, which is pretty awesome. (Thanks, Laurent, for kicking my ass on this one. You were so right…) And as far as the summer goes, I am definitely taking suggestions.

Family, hurray!!! April 22, 2008

This last weekend not only lived up to expectations. It crushed the living daylights out of them. Holy crap. I don’t know when I’ve ever had a better weekend. (And man, am I in a better mood now. Whew! Can you tell??)

Mary and Doug got here on Thursday, Rupert and Carol came in on Friday evening, Cathal showed up on Saturday afternoon, and yeah, it was pretty much nonstop eating, drinking, eating, drinking, taking in some sights (but not really) and then back to eating and drinking. I must say that I had a stroke of absolute inspiration and took Mary and Dough to a bar IN La Boqueria for lunch the day they got here, right after we threw back a quick pint of Guinness at Flaherty’s. (The only drag about that, and then subsequently the whole weekend, was that they learned that my 7-year-old cousin was in the hospital after having the first asthma attack of his life so far. How’s that for timing? Poor little dude! But no worries! He’s fine now!!) Anyway, trauma aside, they were sufficiently pleased with the Boqueria, and the meal was, in Doug’s terms, just ridiculous (fried artichoke hearts, jamon, chipirones, sardinas a la plancha, asparagus, grilled wild mushrooms, gambas al ajillo, etc — get excited, Becky, Ben, Sean, Laura, Kim and Martijn, because we’re SO going back when you come here!!). It was the beginning of a series of absolutely INSANE meals that we had, including the major highlight of the weekend, dinner at Commerc 24. The chef there apparently trained with el Bulli himself, and yeah, it was pretty much the tastiest meal I’ve ever had. (FOUR hours of nonstop eating waves of delicious tapas and drinking crazy-good wine and conversing, during which the bulk of the conversation went something like “oh my GOD that’s good…” “I know, have you tried the other one yet? just wait!”)

But you know what? All that delicious food and partying isn’t really even the best part. (Although, seriously, it was all totally spectacular. Hyperbole aside, I swear!) The best part was how much I enjoyed having my family here, as well as some of their best friends. What an amazing group of people. I think not altogether infrequently about how lucky I am to have been born into such an excellent family (on both sides!), and also how I seem to have been happily condemned to a life full of scores of wonderful friends, but it’s not often that I think about how awesome the friends of my family are. (Because, honestly, how often does that come up?) And I was sitting with them all at dinner on Saturday — Mary and Doug, Rupert and Carol, Cathal (who couldn’t bring his wife and baby, unfortunately, but apparently his wife was a relatively well-known punk-rock screamer in Zurich in the 80s–um, how cool is that??) — and it occurred to me, holy shit, these people are who I HOPE to be in 20-odd years. They are successful. They are cool. They are smart and knowledgeable and interesting, and share their interests with their cool, smart, knowledgeable and interesting kids. They take cool vacations. They read good books and see good movies. They’re all still damn attractive. They have cool friends who they fly to Barcelona for the weekend to see. They, in short, are kicking ass at being grown-ups. So of course, at said dinner, I might have made something of a speech (when Mary asked us all to go around and say what we’re excited about in our lives right now) and said to them that, for the love of Buddha, I hope you guys know just how damn cool and inspirational you are! Because I doubt, in the course of their insanely busy everyday lives, they often zoom out and think, hell ya, this is the life I created, and shit, isn’t it f***ing cool? To me, that’s just damn exciting.

All this to say, the weekend was incredible and provided quite a bit of the perspective I’ve been so effing desperate for lately. (Holy crap, have I been “cambiante” lately. Ooof, it’s exhausting to be so freaking all over the place!) Mary is always such a calming, reassuring, relentlessly positive and infinitely loving presence, and Doug does a great job of reminding me that stuff just doesn’t have to be a big deal. Plus, everything in life looks better over a delicious bottle of cava. Also: somehow, over the course of the weekend, I was nearly totally talked out of my interest in HR (at least, working in an HR department at a company, ugh…) and my interest in Africa was sparked all over again (totally Rupert, Carol and Cathal’s fault — a collective “why the hell wouldn’t you go to Africa??” sentiment was pretty much all I needed to tip the scale back toward Cape Town…). So there may be developments on that front, still — I’ll keep y’all posted, promise.

Of course, in a lot of ways, I’m even more confused than ever (what DOES it all mean???), but at least I had a kickass weekend with some of the bestest folks on the planet, and for a minute, I got to stop feeling dumb and incompetent, which feels freaking great.

Yet further exercises in humility April 15, 2008

Well, I finally had that second interview I was so excited about this afternoon. And folks, it was probably the hardest interview of my life so far (including when I started at S!, and had to do FIVE interviews). I felt like an idiot most of the way through it. Which is awesome, because at least it’s consistent with how I feel ALL THE TIME lately. I actually went in feeling pretty good, relaxed, confident, etc., but, yeah, got backed into a corner by a few questions, and did NOT do a good job digging myself out. Plus, he gave me a case! A case! I mean, it was appropriate, because it’s a project they’re working on right now (with my LEAD coach! at the company he works for! the LEAD coach I had such a crush on in the fall! and I had to answer what I could offer HIM in terms of helping him define a strategy to train all of his directors! eek!), and it makes sense to see how I would approach the project, but I don’t think I did a very good job AT ALL… Like everything I’ve learned in all of those strategy classes just went STRAIGHT out the window. And seriously seriously seriously, I don’t know how much more of this feeling-dumb-ALL-the-time crap I can take. Today I started to fantasize about going home for the summer, working with Ricky in the Japanese restaurant, sitting by the pool at my parents’ house, going to the beach house for a couple of weeks, and not doing any kind of internship at all… That sounds better than facing the reality of what an absolute debacle business school is turning out to be, right? Right. Uuuuggghh.

At least Mary and Doug are here in a couple of days, and I can take advantage of some serious family time. And they do a pretty good job of helping me to not feel like such an idiot, so that’s good, too. Plus, I’m pretty sure we’re going to spend the entire time eating and drinking, and there will be NO talk of any kind of corporate strategy, finance, law, or accounting, so I can take advantage of this brilliant city for a few days without taking any further hits to my ego.

I will attempt to be more positive in upcoming entries, but man, it’s been a rough week.

Kind of sort of better April 14, 2008

Oooookay…. Whew! After last week’s freakout, I am feeling (somewhat) better. Man, failing another class has been yet another hit to my already extremely bruised ego. (Yes, folks, I know what you’re thinking, but I pretty much put together that I can’t “skate by” as usual when I failed the first AND second classes… At this point, it’s just demoralizing.) Luckily, I have excellent friends here, and they’ve done a good job of reminding me that I’m not nearly as dumb as I feel. Also, as Laura shrewdly reminded me, I didn’t WANT to be a teacher, and that’s why I didn’t study education. Right. I guess I just want to feel good at something again, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that I rock with kids, but I do NOT rock at business school. No kids in sight, and I’m not feeling terribly good at anything.

BUT, I did say I’m feeling better, and so, you know, mostly I am. At least my city provides me with plenty of distractions (ugh, not always good ones — football fans en masse on vacation are one of my LEAST favorite things about local tourism, especially when their chanting and shouting wakes me up at 4:30am on a school night…) so at least I can’t always dwell on my perceived idiocy.

Two big highlights from last week: last Thursday the sun came out, it was a beautiful day, so my group and I headed down to a chiriguito en la PLAYA to drink beers, play frisbee (well, they played — I watched and took pictures with Christian’s camera), and enjoy the fact that we live on the freaking Mediterranean; second highlight, though way less sexy: my interview was postponed to tomorrow, so I didn’t have to fake my way through it. (Oh man, I was having some dark visions of how it would go: “So, tell me about your strengths and weaknesses.” “I don’t HAVE any strengths, but I can tell you ALL about my weaknesses…” or “So, why an MBA?” “I don’t KNOOOOOOOW! Booohoooo!!!” Yeah, it could have gone badly…) Luckily, I’m in a bit of a better mood today (not a LOT better, given that I have yet to understand ANYTHING in Finance or Law, and we’re already 2 weeks in…) and assume that I’ll feel better going into my interview tomorrow than I would have last week… And the work load isn’t too intense tonight, so I’ll get a good night sleep before my interview. Fingers crossed it goes well, and I’ll have a solid plan for the summer, and can stop having buyer’s remorse for not going to Cape Town… I promise, I’m feeling better, though.